I enjoy picking my nose. It’s soft and gooey, especially when it’s only half-dried. Sometimes I eat it as well. Oh, not when anyone is watching, of course. I’m not like that. Except last Friday.
The Danish Queen had her birthday on Friday. I went downtown to see the parade and all the waving flags. Lots of people thronged the streets to get a glimpse of the Queen going by in a horse and carriage. They really like their royal family here. I tried to find a nice spot, but the streets were too crowded, I couldn’t see anything. I decided to walk back home instead.
I like parades just as much as the next guy, but sometimes the streets are just too crowded. Besides, I was hungry and there’s only so many calories in even a nose-full of snot.
When I passed behind the royal palace, I noticed an open gate. Strange. That gate is never open. Inside, I saw lots of horses. Two horses were standing in front of a carriage and around that carriage, lots of people were hurrying about, carrying something from somewhere to somewhere else, talking to someone, giving orders to someone, doing things. And inside the carriage… I stopped and stared.
Hey, you can’t stand here!
A guard had approached me. He looked quite stern, and although he was just a tiny twenty-year-old Dane,I still felt obliged to comply, he was still a guard.
OK, I said, sorry, I’ll go.
But at that moment, the carriage started moving towards us, someone shouted something, and the guard hurried back to his place by that gate. I didn’t move.
The carriage came closer and closer. The guard stood still as a statue. There was no-one else outside the gate, just me. The guard tried to glance sternly in my direction, but I didn’t move. I was transfixed. Could it really be…?
I was so transfixed, I didn’t know what my hands were doing.
As the carriage went slowly past, I caught a glimpse of her. The Danish Queen. She smiled and waved in my general direction, but suddenly her smile froze.
At the very same moment, I noticed a familiar taste in my mouth. And as I pulled my finger out of my mouth, I noticed a TV camera on the other side of the street, pointing right at me.
Two days later, I had been liked 1000 times on Facebook. The video of me picking my nose and eating my snot had been shared tens of thousands of times, and everyone in Denmark knew about this crazy guy and his even crazier lèse-majesté. I went to Japan shortly after, and during my five-day stay there, I saw myself picking my nose four times. And three times, strangers approached me, picked their noses and laughed.
It was more than embarrassing, it was humiliating.
On the other hand, I got to be a viral celebrity for a few weeks. It was worth it.
Arrange a teach-learn date with a friend, learn a skill, and teach what you are best at.
I had a teach-learn date with my brother this evening. He tried to show me how to make my blog go viral, at least how to make more people share it. It’s part of what he does for a living, after all.
I have tried to take his teaching to heart in this blogpost.
I have failed miserably. I am not very good at this tabloid stuff. And I’m usually a terrible liar.
I’ll stick to writing the way I want to write: too long, too meandering, not tabloid enough. I’m a terrible journalist. So be it. There are very few journalists who become wise, old men.
The only thing that’s left, then, is to beg: IF I GET 1000 LIKES FOR THIS BLOGPOST; I’LL DO SOMETHING CRAZY, I’LL… EAT MY SNOT ON NATIONAL TV! OR SHAVE MY HEAD LIKE A MONK! OR SOMETHING ELSE EVEN CRAZIER!
It that doesn’t work, nothing will. So be it. I’d rather like my blog and have five readers than dislike it and have two thousand.
And besides: bamboos grow quicker, but redwoods grow taller.